Since I happen to enjoy football, and I also happen to be a grandfather, I should write about the first day of the NFL season or Grandparents Day. Both occasions do fall on the same day this year.
But that was last Sunday, so I’ll write about something else. Had you fooled for a second there, didn’t I?
The biggest reason I didn’t write about the double-occasion was because I didn’t think of it. It simply slipped my mind. Does this mean I’m just getting older instead of older and wiser? Oh well, at least I got it half right. As time goes by, I feel more and more ignorant. Every answer I find to anything simply brings up more questions. I bet somebody could fill books with what I don’t know.
The more I wonder about things, the more things I find to wonder about. For example:
Why does the government have a “Do Not Call” list but allow commercials to blast out our eardrums? Just because the commercials are louder than the shows, are we more likely to buy from those folks? Let’s face it, we can hang up on a telemarketer, or even cuss out the poor jerk (or jerkette) if we’ve had a rough day. We can take out our frustrations on that faceless victim nervously reaching for a sale. But what can we do about those loud commercials? What useful function do they serve? The FCC regulates both broadcasting and telephones, so how about a non-noisy commercial list?
Another baffling concept to me is inflation. The financial gurus tell us we have virtually no inflation. Well, I’m just one of those mere mortals who doesn’t understand. If inflation stays so low, why do prices get so high? College textbooks are sold by the carat. Have you checked your insurance premiums lately? Let’s face it, the cost of living has gone up close to 50 cents a six-pack. Maybe some of those economist fellas maintain a greed index and keep quiet about it.
Newer cars confuse me, too. Why make them more powerful without raising the speed limit? Why do we need a car that goes the speed of light when the speed limit is designed for an arthritic jackass? Highways should add an excessive speed lane and require half the driver’s life insurance for the right to use it. That way we could lower gas taxes and build new roads with the money. It makes sense to me. Then again, I thought the Cold War was a dispute between Dristan and Contac.
I also have a problem with the English alphabet. Some of the letters we simply don’t need. Wouldn’t our kids get better reading scores if they didn’t have to learn 26 letters? We don’t need “C” because we already have “K” and “S.” Who needs “F” when we have “PH?” “KW” sounds the same as “Q,” doesn’t it? “J” is out, and so is “Y.”
This is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg when it comes to my expertise at ignorance. But there is only so much space I’m entitled to here. I’ll try to think of something really dumb for next week. In the meantime, enjoy your life.
Jim Lee is news director for KENW-FM radio. He also is an English instructor. He can be contacted at 359-2204. His e-mail: