Not showing at a theater near you

Mike Linn

The holiday season usually brings with it a barrage of new movies, from suspense thrillers to dramas. Here are a few movies I’d like to see come to the area:

Title: Good ’Till The Last Drop
Plot: Set in the year 2035 with a population dwindled to only a handful of residents, a local farmer pumps the last half glass of water from the area’s Ogallala Aquifer. His next-door neighbor, parched and wrinkled in the arid sun, demands the glass claiming: “My daddy’s daddy’s daddy drilled that there water well.”
The two have an old-fashioned cowboy square off and end up killing each other, leaving the final drops of water untouched on a dusty field.
Cast: Clint Eastwood
Quote of the movie: “You may look at this glass of water and think it’s the last in eastern New Mexico. But is it half empty or half full?”

Title: Billy The Kid Reloaded.
Plot: State and county officials including the De Baca County sheriff win a court appeal that grants them the rights to exhume the bodies of Billy the Kid and his mother. But when they open the Kid’s grave in Fort Sumner the Kid winks at them, then rattles off gun fire, killing the entire lot. He then hops on a nearby horse and gallops to Santa Fe, where he successfully earns his sought-after pardon from Gov. Bill Richardson.
Cast: Emilio Estevez playing Billy the Kid; Gov. Bill Richardson playing himself.
Quotes of the movie: “I’ll make ya famous Bill, I’ll make ya famous.” — The Kid.
“I’m already famous.” — Richardson.
“No you’re notorious, Bill, just like me.” — The Kid.

Title: Driving Mrs. Carmichael.
Plot: A comedy about a local old-timer who recalls stories to her chauffeur about Roosevelt County’s past, when local farmers fought off rattlesnake bites with a jigger of whiskey, a tourniquet and a dull twiddling knife.
Cast: Charlie Carmichael and ENMU communications director Wendel Sloan playing her driver.
Quote of the movie: “Where we off to this morning Mrs. Carmichael?” — Wendel Sloan.

Title: Tigers
Plot: A story of boys basketball at Elida, where a dedicated coach with a checkered past comes to town and forces the team to pass the ball 10 times before a shot can be taken. Initially scoffed at, the coach leads his team to the state finals against the Logan Longhorns. With a mere 12 seconds to play, the Tigers use the famed picket-fence drill to win on a last second shot.
Cast: Gene Hackman playing coach.
Quote of the movie: “Now boys, don’t get caught watching the paint dry.” — Hackman’s assistant coach, played by Dennis Hopper, during the team’s last timeout in the state championship game.

Title: Portales Prairie Dog Massacre
Plot: A local rancher uses an array of creative methods to eradicate prairie dogs from his land: From .22-caliber rifles to poison to heavy explosives. In the end the rancher blows up his land, his cattle, his home, his new tractor and his dog Duke.
After the reverberation of the explosions die, the rancher looks at what he has destroyed. Out of the corner of his eye he sees prairie dogs emerging from their burrows and dancing — as if to gloat — like school girls at a junior high cotillion.
Cast: Bill Murray playing the rancher.
Quote of the movie: “This is one war the rancher can’t win.” — Murray, while waving a white flag toward prairie dogs to surrender.

The final movie was a suggestion of PNT sports writer Kevin Wilson.
Title: Orlando Scissorhands
Plot: While Mayor Orlando Ortega Jr. becomes more adept at ribbon-cutting ceremonies, the fallback comes in his attempts to sign resolutions. Filming his famed documentaries also become a bit of a challenge.
Cast: Ortega as Orlando Scissorhands.
Quote of the movie: “Let’s cut this, I mean call this meeting to order.”

Mike Linn is managing editor for the Portales News-Tribune. He can be contacted at 356-4483, ext. 33. His e-mail address is: