Random thoughts can drive one crazy

By Kevin Wilson

Every once in a while, there comes along a great little snippet for me. It’s not something I can do an entire column on, but combined these snippets can be quite entertaining.
At least that’s what I think. I’ll let you be the judge as I share my random thoughts.
• Recently, I came across a news story about a man who is suing the Pennsylvania State Police. A man named Steven Corey made an obscene gesture with his middle finger toward a state trooper. The trooper pulled him over and gave him a ticket for using his hand to make an improper turn signal. Corey is suing because he believes his constitutional right to use a middle finger was violated.
I’m not really sure who to root for in this one.
• If Wonder Woman’s plane was invisible, how did she know when it was low on fuel? This always bothered me.
• Pop-Tarts have microwave instructions. No, really. Apparently, if you don’t have 90 seconds for the toaster, you can microwave your frosted pastry on high for three seconds. I just feel there’s something really self-defeating about any meal that takes more time to unwrap than cook.
• While looking up unusual Super Bowl bets, I found that a bookmaker was taking odds that designated “America the Beautiful” singer Alicia Keys would have a “wardrobe malfunction” similar to Janet Jackson in 2004. I’m not sure if I’m more troubled by this, or the fact that the odds were only 10-to-1. I wouldn’t have bid on this one for less than 1,000-to-1 odds.
• Speaking of the Super Bowl: I said it before, I’ll say it again. Super Monday needs to be a holiday of some sort. After spending most of the day watching a football game and ingesting roughly 5,000 calories worth of junk food, some people just shouldn’t go to work the next day.
• Back in November, a first-grader in a Miami-Dade County (Fla.) school threatened to cut himself with a piece of glass, and the officer on the call prevented the act by shooting the child with a taser.
A few weeks later, the school superintendent wrote a letter to the officer’s respective police chief because he was concerned about methods of child control. I’m glad somebody finally took a stand and said, “We will not use tasers on 6-year-olds.”
• What’s more disgusting, the fact that former professional baseball player Jose Canseco is releasing a book on rampant steroid abuse in baseball, or that it’s set for release on Valentine’s Day? “Honey, you shouldn’t have. I mean that.”
• I wonder what point the creator of the Smurfs said to himself, “You know what, I can’t think of 100 names for these guys. I’ll just stop here and pray some self-important newspaper columnist won’t remember 20 years down the road.”
I remembered, all right. And I couldn’t be more ashamed.

Kevin Wilson is the managing editor of the Portales News-Tribune. He can be reached at 356-4481, ext. 33 or by e-mail:
Kevin_Wilson@link.freedom.com