Voiceovers could play integral part in life

By Kevin Wilson

In every movie collection, there lies at least one movie that represents the utter stupidity of filmmaking, and the excesses of movie collection at once.

It’s the one that makes friends say, “Why did they put THAT out on DVD?” As far as my collection goes, that movie is “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka.”

For those that need a history lesson, “Sucka” is a movie written and directed in 1988 by Keenen Ivory Wayans. Two years before his family and Jim Carrey made fun of anybody worth talking about on “In Living Color,” Keenen created “Sucka,” a parody of the ’70s blaxploitation movies.

Several small elements of comedy are discovered here. One notable character is Chris Rock as the rib man, a man who asks for substitutions to make his meal cheaper at a rib joint (i.e. asking for one rib instead of an entire order or asking the clerk to pour soda in his hands so he doesn’t have to pay for the cup), then pays for his meal with a $100 bill.

My favorite element of the movie, though, comes midway through when one of the characters starts walking and Shaft-style music comes up. The man is asked about it, and he says that you’ve got to have your own theme music to have street credibility.

What I’d like is a take on that, but with a slight change for the 21st century. As inspired by the DVDs I buy in nearly every genre, I would like to have a “commentary track” with me every time I go somewhere.

Picture, if you will, the ABC television show, “The Wonder Years,” which starred Fred Savage as a child in the ’70s. Daniel Stern did the voice of an older Kevin, recollecting on his youth as each story was told.

Wouldn’t that be the greatest thing, having somebody like Stern provide narration? Of course, I don’t think I’d go with Stern. Maybe I’d go with Casey Kasem for mine. “Before we get to work, Kevin’s got a request and dedication from a bill collector. It reads, “Dear Kevin … ”

Or perhaps a few sports announcers, like Al Michaels and John Madden. Al could say, “Wilson goes into the drive-thru for a milkshake.” He’d pass it off to Madden, who would say, “Now what I like about this order is that he tells the person on the headset exactly what he wants and then, BOOM, he has exact change ready.”

Or perhaps it could be that guy who does the voiceovers for the movie trailers you see every summer. Even my life could sound interesting with a guy like that telling the story: “On the Nintendo Gamecube, you must play to win. He had NBA Live 2005 and LeBron James, but the computer wouldn’t let him win. Action, thrown controllers and a reset button.

Coming tonight at midnight, Kevin Wilson in … Game Over.”
Now that’s a movie nobody would put on DVD.

Kevin Wilson is the managing editor at the Portales News-Tribune. He can be reached at 356-4481, ext. 33, or by e-mail:
Kevin_Wilson@link.freedom.com