Checks may be thing of the past

By Kevin Wilson: Freedom Newspapers

I’m terrible when it comes to my health, but it’s mainly a personal failing of negating positive efforts. I have a multi-vitamin every day, for instance, but neglect to wash it down with water because I’ve still got a Dr Pepper in the fridge.

I’m not the same way with honesty. I’m just bad at it, and I’ll explain why.
I moved this summer. I had many things to take care of, like calling all of my magazine subscription departments to let them know where to send publications I won’t have time to read, or letting billing departments know where to send my newest statements.

But Kevin, what about telling your family? I talk to my family on a weekly basis, if not more frequently, so an address change is a side note in a diatribe about how much fun moving isn’t.

But Kevin, what if friends visit at your old address? You’re right, that would be a horribly awkward experience for people who drop by to be friendly. I don’t know people who drop by to be friendly.

But there’s an address I haven’t changed: The one on my personal check. It’s not an issue so far, because I’ve used a debit card for most purchases since the turn of the century. I no longer need three forms of picture ID, a note from my old college advisor and a blood sample to match my DNA should a check bounce. I simply run the card on the machine, put in my PIN and wait for a machine’s approval.

It’s only inconvenient in two cases — when the clerk checks the signature on the back (knowing full well the card is made of a plastic that repels ink and legible signatures) or when the card reader uses an exclamation point after, “Transaction approved” (Yeah, thanks for mocking my financial situation).

I don’t pay bills by check either, thanks to the Internet and telephones. This weekend, I paid seven bills without leaving my chair, then stepped outside the apartment and said, “Ah, natural light, you’re just like I remember you.”

Soon, we’ll forget eating and paying by check, too. There are numerous fast-food chains in Portales and Clovis that either don’t accept checks or have established a “no checks” cut-off date. I’ve entered many restaurants that post a “No Personal Checks” sign, and I have yet to meet a restaurant worker who laughs when I tell them it’s OK because my checks are rather impersonal, with a cold disposition toward me and others.

I have very few uses for my incorrectly addressed checks, and it’s not worth ordering correctly addressed checks (minimum order, two 150-check boxes) when I only use one check a month.

And who does that check go to? My landlord. Yes, I send incorrectly addressed checks to somebody who knows my current address. That’s why I’m bad at honesty.

Maybe someday this dishonesty can be cured, possibly in vitamin form. I’ll keep some Dr Pepper stocked just in case.