By Baxter Black: Humor Columnist
Whereas the average cowboy is a person of good intentions, generous to a fault and kind to women, children and animals, and whereas said cowboy is often in the right place at the wrong time and driven by an over-developed sense of chivalry, bravado and/or tradition, and whereas you may frequently find said cowboy entangled at the center of many a controversial, embarrassing or blatantly stupid miscarriage of sanity:
This form is offered as a document in which said cowboy acknowledges his participation in some grievous social, marital, work-related, animal inspired or tequila-afflicted misbehavior.
(Offender please circle one or more of these excuses):
1. I freely admit that I lost control of
a) My mouth.
b) My good dog.
c) The balloons full of beer I was juggling.
2. I now realize that
a) It was not as funny as I thought.
b) You didn’t have fire (flood) insurance.
c) Weed eaters are not the proper tool for slicing cheesecake.
3. It is true
a) I didn’t know your uncle had a pacemaker when I handed him the Hotshot.
b) You should avoid microwaving paint gun balls.
c) Skeet shooting should be done outdoors.
4. I will not be surprised to know that my hosts
a) Really expected a more mature behavior.
b) Have written me out of the will.
c) Have filed suit to recover the cost of repairing the bass boat I fired up in the yard and the gazebo I wiped out with it.
5. What I want the offendee(s) to know, in my defense is
a) I am fully aware of the damage I have done to our relationship, the landscaping and the parrot cage and I humbly apologize.
b) I am unable to remember what happened, but if the DNA matches, I take complete responsibility.
c) I messed up. I’m sorry I did. I didn’t mean to wreck (your party, our date, your grandmother’s Bowflex). Sometimes I just get carried away, and if you give me one more chance I promise I’ll try to do better.
(Print name here)____