By Kevin Wilson: Freedom Newspapers
I regret having to write this column, because I’m likely to come off as condescending.
But I’m probably smarter than you.
I know you can’t see it from these first few sentences, and you certainly can’t see it from the black-and-white picture accompanying the column.
I’m smarter because every morning I look in the mirror and see my blue eyes, and a recent study shows that people with blue eyes are smarter than people with brown eyes.
I’d like to get to know people and judge their intelligence on an individual basis, but I don’t need to now. Joanna Rowe has done the research for me.
Rowe, a professor at Louisville University, said brown-eyed people perform better at reaction time, but people with light eyes are better at activities requiring strategic thinking.
It looks like some of my high school teachers owe me an apology. The basketball coaches who said I didn’t work hard enough? Now I’ve got a study that says maybe I should have been the coach instead.
This also reminds me of that hand slap game, where you put your hands on the palms of another, then tried to pull them away before they slapped them. I got destroyed in the game by my friend Radley — my brown-eyed friend Radley. The only consolation is my grades dwarfed his.
That brings up Rowe’s other point. She said the results from her observations suggest there is a link between eye color and achievement in academics. But just don’t ask her why.
“It’s just observed, rather than explained,” Rowe said. “There’s no scientific answer yet.”
Come on, Rowe: We’re Americans, we don’t have to wait for science before we act. I’m going full speed with this.
Maybe I should run for president. Sure, I’m not 35 yet, but I have a feeling my superior intelligence could help me get around that rule.
If I’m smarter than a brown-eyed senator, who’s going to care about some long-established tradition like age?
I’ve already got my campaign slogan. “Kevin Wilson: The Eyes Have It.”
I don’t have the money to run for office just yet, but that slogan and my eyes are a winning combination. Can’t you just see the green rolling in for my blue eyes? You can see it, can’t you?
Still need more evidence? Bill Gates, blue eyes. Stephen Hawking, blue eyes. Marie Curie, blue eyes.
However, in full disclosure, I must tell you Paris Hilton also has blue eyes.
This leads me to two possible conclusions. The first is there are individual differences, and you can’t judge somebody’s intelligence on what appears to be a purely physical attribute.
I’m more scared of the second conclusion: Paris is going to be my vice president.