After nodding off a few times in my recliner after a hard day of yard work, I slapped the sleeping dog on my lap and told him I was tired and it was his turn to write this week’s column.
Not doubting for a minute that the Dalmatian Flint could probably write a more interesting column than I could, he did nevertheless remind me his typing skills were atrocious. I agreed and in my mind knew if the mutt got on the computer again I’d never get him away from AnimalPlanet.com. But he is a canny canine and probably has a lot to say about today’s headlines.
While the 35-pound mutt laid there across my lap and the arm of my chair it came to me. He could send the column to me telepathically and all I would have to do is type it. A short time later, with me at the computer in my office and Flint on the dog pad on the floor next to the desk he began to phone in his column to my weary brain:
“If this idiot at the computer had been keeping up with the really important headlines lately he would have hit on this idea a little sooner. Everyone else surely heard about the seven-pound Chihuahua that was blown away by a 70 mph wind gust the other day. The blast picked the little pooch up and sailed him into the woods more than a mile away. The owners searched without luck for their four-legged friend. Later a psychic made contact with the dog and told his owners where to find him.
“If I had this column regularly we’d have more news about flying doggies. Pretty interesting, huh.
“Did you catch the news about those glow-in-the-dark beagles this week? It seems a South Korean mad scientist has cloned a litter of pups with genes that make the little hounds light up in the night. If you ask me it makes some sense. Instead of having to wear one of those reflective collars at night, it would be handy if your tummy just glowed in a car’s headlights.
“They say the experiment is meant to help scientists come up with a way of inserting specific genes, eventually leading to cures for human diseases. Seems to me a little like man’s best friend is being relegated to the role of guinea pig.
“Of course the really big news of the last few weeks still hasn’t made it into this column. I’m referring, of course, to First Dog Bo Obama’s arrival in the White House. We need details on how his house training is going and the next time my owner lets me on the Internet I’ll get those details for you.
“The disappointing thing about the choice of Bo is that, technically, he isn’t a shelter dog like my brother or even an adopted stray like I was. Nope, he came from a life of luxury at the Kennedy mansion. Just another broken campaign promise, what else should we expect from a Democrat.
“Well it’s time to sign off for now, the big dummy just figured out I’m doing the telepathy with my head on his pillow in his bed in the next room. I wonder if this is how that movie star dog Marley got his start?”
Karl Terry (and sometimes his dog) writes for Freedom New Mexico. Contact him at: firstname.lastname@example.org