My turn: Let’s all be truthful

Valentine cards should be more realistic. Here are some suggestions for the front and inside:

• “I found the perfect card…Wish you were.”

• “I loved you at first sight…Turns out I was nearsighted.”

• “I love your sense of humor…Especially the restraining order.”

• “I can’t wait to see you…In court.”

• “My feelings about you are growing…I’m increasingly bored.”

• “I love you…Like the grandpa I never had.”

• “I love…Your Sister.”

• “You are beautiful…Especially at closing time.”

• “One kiss from you…Made me stop drinking.”

• “You light up my life…Like a prison searchlight.”

• “You’re the one I dream about…In waterboarding flashbacks.”

• “If you kissed a frog…It would turn into frog-legs for dinner.”

• “My love for you is unlimited…Much like your appetite.”

• “Care for a romantic dinner…With my roommate?”

• “God must have made you on a Sunday…Obviously, he was resting.”

• “Until I met you…I agreed with John Lennon about giving peace a chance.”

• “My feelings for you…Are like Switzerland—neutral.”

• “Can I have your number…Preferably Mastercard or Visa?”

• “Money isn’t everything…But it’s your only hope.”

• “You are like a star in a distant galaxy…One of trillions too dim to see.”

• “I would love to have dinner with you…But I have a previous engagement — which I plan on making as soon as possible.”