My turn: Won’t give in to temptations

I told a Catholic friend that I was giving up Lent for dark chocolate. She looked puzzled, then smiled, felt guilty, then admonished that I was on the highway to hell.

Since I’m barreling down that pot-holed path in Portales anyway, I might as well give up Lent for a few other pleasures:

Sunday morning golf, Dawg Houz happy hours, ogling college girls on the Oasis State Park beach, making fun of birthers, DQ Blizzards, books by Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens, The Science Channel, road-trip comedies from Landall’s, noon-time hoops, feeding El Rancho leftovers to neighborhood dogs, blaring AC/DC, whipping girls in tennis, college nights at Goober’s…

However, there is hope. I am willing to give up a few temptations for Lent:

Treadmills, reading Watchtower tracts, watching bowling, donating to the Fraternal Order of Anything, being cordial to telemarketers, buying candles for student fundraisers, lentil soup, buying magazine subscriptions from great-nieces and nephews attending faraway schools, listening to opera, buying royal wedding commemorative plates from the Franklin Mint, sending money to televangelists so that they can stay on the air to ask for more money…

Actually, I need more information about entertainment options in heaven and hell before deciding if I can live without dark chocolate for 40 days.

Do nights also count?