I’m running for president on the Green Tea Party ticket.
Since we also support Willie Nelson’s Tea Pot Party, I’ve asked him to be my running mate.
With Gary Johnson as our campaign manager, our “Tea for Three” platform advocates legalizing partying between consenting liberals, moderates and conservatives—and outlawing stoning old hippies for giving peace a chance.
There are certain questions that Willie and I will refuse to answer on the grounds that voters care about real issues—and because they might incriminate us.
Questions that we will take the fifth on, or at least have a fifth before answering, include:
- Did Wendel ever indulge on his way to his top-secret job as an electronic Naval spy on Guam?
- Has Willie ever burned anything in his campaign bus besides biodiesel?
- Did Wendel ever intercept Associated Press football scores instead of signals from Hanoi?
- Has Willie ever bought jewelry from Tiffany’s (or Wendel from Woody’s) for “interns”?
- Did Wendel ever pretend to pray to a Buddha in a Thailand monastery to impress a tour guide?
- Was Willie even taxed by the effort he put into recording “The IRS Tapes?”
- Did Wendel ever swim with hippies under the east-Texas moonlight?
- Does Willie believe that Santorum or dinosaurs are more enlightened about civil rights?
- Are Wendel and Willie law-abiding citizens, or slow-drawl outlaws wanted for elephant-hunting in Texas?