"That's the end of that one," said The Lady of the House as she scraped out the last of the Miracle Whip jar to make my favorite coleslaw.
"Will you add that to the grocery list?" she asked.
"You want me to write Miracle Whip?" I asked, pen in hand.
"Mayo' is fine," she answered, stirring up the glorious homemade slaw. "I'll know what it means."
The next morning I proudly displayed my wares from my foray to the supermarket, much like Tiffany on "Let's Make a Deal."
"Look," I said with a wave of my hand, "Cat food and bananas and mayonnaise."
"Thank you, sweetie," said The Lady of the House. She took the jar of mayonnaise and stopped.
"This is mayonnaise," she said.
"Yeah," I beamed. "It's even written in Spanish."
"I use Miracle Whip," she stated.
"You said to write 'mayo' on the list so I did," I said.
"I said to write 'mayo' on the list so I would know what it is.
And you were supposed to write it on my list not yours."
The "discussion" that ensued is not for your eyes, gentle reader.
Let's just say it ended with me taking the jar of mayonnaise and stomping back to the store to return it.
In a fit of self-righteousness I marched up to the service desk to return my jar of mayonnaise.
"I was supposed to get Miracle Whip," I said. "So do you use
mayonnaise or Miracle Whip?"
"So when you want Miracle Whip on the grocery list what do you write down?"
"Mayo," she said.
"Oh," I said.
"Yeah," she said. "My husband did that once too. 'Mayo' was
on the list and he came home with mayonnaise. Just once."
I got a jar of Miracle Whip and went home with the 'mayo.'
Grant McGee is a long-time broadcaster and former truck driver who rides bicycles and likes to talk about his many adventures on the road of life.
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