How to kill an hour in any airport

Kevin Wilson

Kevin Wilson

By Kevin Wilson

Staff columnist

Hi, I’m probably a little later than I should be for check-in,” I said.
“That’s not much of a problem today, Mr. Wilson,” the agent said. “The flight is running about 50 minutes late right now.”
I had an hour to kill, so I figured I’d let my friends entertain me, and tell me a little about themselves while putting them in my shoes.
Facebook status: “Informal/unscientific poll: You’re at the airport. Your flight doesn’t leave for an hour. Would you rather have free wifi, or a free frozen yogurt waffle cone?

My promises were fulfilled. The poll was anything but formal, and anything but scientific. But if I don’t use names, I figure I can get a formal purpose out of it (this column) while using something that sounds science-y (data mining).

Here are the findings from the question:
• There were 15 unconditional votes for frozen yogurt, compared to five votes for wifi.
• There were three conditional votes, all dealing with the speed of the wifi. There were no votes, however, asking what variety of frozen yogurt was available.
• Three people said to take the waffle cone and disconnect from the Internet because it will make me a better person. Granted, all three had to get on the Internet to tell me that.
• Six people liked the status, which really doesn’t make any sense in an either/or scenario. In fairness, five of the six people also answered the question.
• Five people used the “froyo” nickname. Another person, clearly mocking something or someone, said, “YOLO, so FROYO.”
• Two people asked for both. Both are female. Read into that what you want.
• Two people chose booze. Both are journalists. Read into that what you want.
• One person asked me about a movie she rented.
• Another person asked how he would be able to post a picture of his free waffle cone if he didn’t have the Internet. I’ll assume he was making fun of people who do that.

I think the lesson to learn today is that food beats technology, and some people are just going to write whatever they want without respect to the question.

Afterwards, I checked another friend’s Facebook, and I realize I had done a little worse than he. He wanted to make a playlist of television theme songs where the song explains the plot. He needed help beyond, “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” “Gilligan’s Island” and “The Brady Bunch.”

Some people just gave him theme songs that had lyrics, but others gave him more to use. Clearly, “Beverly Hillbillies” fits the bill. As does “Animaniacs,” which includes a lyric that informs you that you’ve just learned the plot.

Each of us managed to kill an hour. He got the playlist, I got the waffle cone.
I wonder if I can get both.

Kevin Wilson is a columnist for Clovis Media Inc. He can be contacted at 763-3431, ext. 313, or by email:
kwilson@cnjonline.com